Ladies, You Are Beautiful Just the Way You Are but if you aren't then shoulder pads won't help....really

Wikipedia says that in 2007 shoulder pads started to appear in fashion again and may be making a comeback. I sure hope not. I like women to look like women and not NFL quarterbacks. If your fashion influences are the characters in Dynasty or Paula Poundstone then maybe you need to discover Audrey Hepburn or hey, i've seen a lot of girls in NY pull off the Diane Keaton... hell I pull off a mean Diane Keaton just ask any of the many people who hate the way i dress.

I look great.

I'm having a difficult time writing this because earlier i was talking casually (i thought) about this and then said comic adds:

"I want a broad with shoulders but not one with broad shoulders!"

I almost threw up. So forgive me but i'm trying not to type anything that suggests "barf funny" im so disgusted.

Anyway,

I remember that my Mom used to have a lot of shoulder pads lying around and i think thats why I don't dig em'. Nothing against my mother, it was just earth shattering finding out that she didn't really have the biggest shoulders in the world. And that underneath the sports jacket wasn't tissue but tissue paper. I DID IT! I FREAKING DID IT! That was exactly what i didn't want to happen. Now i'm dead inside. Horrible sentence.

I'll make it up to you; enjoy this video in which my mother plays the voice of a butthole.

Ok in the video i look more like Scott Pilgrim and not Diane Keaton

"That hat. That F*****g hat."