Classic Ad's From a Comic Book Geeks Box of Broken Dreams

I love comic books, especially the the old ones you find in bargain bins for mere quarters. They are usually horrible but they are also usually from the early nineties late eighties so the ads are awesome. You've got to hand it to the comic book publishers, they really know who their readers are. 

First up is Brach's Rocks introducing Rocky D. Dinosaur Extraordinaire.

At first i thought to myself "Rocky D. Dinousaur Extraordinaire, really? That name is lame sauce." But then i realized he's a living dinosaur who can talk wearing a letterman jacket, sunglasses and he's siting on a convertible (maybe his). Extraordinary indeed.  

Panel 1: Ohmigod its a Dinosaur thats not scary at all. 

Panel 2: Hey I'm gonna use dinosaur humor to lure you in. Did you get it? Because we all know that brontosaurus' have terrible heigeine. 

Panel 3: Look the asianexicindian girl trailblazes the transaction. 

Panel 4: Pusher describes his product. 

Panel 5: The first hit is always free.

Panel 6: The first hit is always the best. 

Panel 7: Who cares.

First its "Hey Kids, Do you eat rocks?" Then its "Hey kids, Do you smoke rocks?"

I think Rocky D. and Robbie Sinclaire have a lot in common. 

"Hey kids, Do you smoke Herb?"

My kinda dino.

Next is an advertisement for Cliffnotes. 

It might as well say "If You Have Trouble Understanding Books Without Pictures and Thought Bubbles, Use This Nerd-O."

Questions asked to classmate while taking a quiz on Scarlet Letter in 10th grade English.

"Dude, what color is the scarlet letter again?"

"Pearl is the daughter, right? Hey, have you seen The Landlord sketch?"

"How close is this book to the movie The Crucible? 'Cuz i watched that like two years ago." 

Moving on.

Why cant we have more of these great ideas: Kool-Aid Man Video Game? How bout the 7 Up dot game for the Genesis?  

Kool Aid Man has the highest score on brickbreaker. Wacka Wacka. 

Is he a christ-like figure? Why does he hold a mini pitcher as if to say "this is my blood, drink from it."

Games premise is to mix kool-aid before the "thirsties" get you. I know its lame to say "Why play  wii tennis when you can just play real tennis etc." But why pretend to mix kool-aid and add a horribly fake element of danger?

Well above i wrote about something this game advertises. "Become a jedi without ever leaving home." Yes. Become something that doesn't exist by staying home. Sadly, I would have bought this game and still will when they come out with Star Wars Clone Wars: Lightsaber duels for Wii! And Scene.